Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
