Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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