Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
