She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize