i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
