I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
