We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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