I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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