I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
