Do you still have your period?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
