I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
