I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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