New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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