I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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