My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
