well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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