I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
