I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
