it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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