What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You ruined the universe
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
