Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
