he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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