Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
