She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
