he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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