So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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