She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
