I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize