I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I stole a fireplace last night.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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