Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
