Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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