I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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