i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
being pregnant is like rehab
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
