please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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