I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
