I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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