dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
