just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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