Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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