he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
