you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
