I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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