i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
3pm strippers are depressing
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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