i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
