I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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