you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
