Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the day after is always just damage control
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
