I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
