I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
