I wanna passion pit in your ass
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
