your parents love me but you hate me
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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