I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize