Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
that's an acceptable place to lick
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
