If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
