My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
