I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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