I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
