i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
