CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
