speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Randomize
