summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
