You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We are two peas in an std pod
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Randomize
