walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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