i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
