I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
