yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
