It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
