Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
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