And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
