If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize