And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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