so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
