Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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