i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
