is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
