Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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