He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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