Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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