A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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