I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
