I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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