No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Betty ford says i'm here all night
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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