Do you still have your period?
Plan B is the new Plan A
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
